Monday, November 28, 2011

Ok, who forgot to tell me to lie down?

Some of the emails I get are quite laughable, and the one I'm about to cut & paste is no exception. I received it about an hour ago, so if you were supposed to tell me that I have to lie down and not get back up failed!

I've added a few comments within the body of the email, in purple so as to point out which bits that made me giggle.

Her Majesty Customs Revenue
Payment Certification Department
2 Marsham Street. London.
SW1P 4DFWLondon, United Kingdom
Telephone: +44-7005-961-487
Fax: 44-7005-961-752

Dear Beneficiary,

I am Gordon White of Her Majesty (I may have bottle blonde hair, but even I know that "Liz" is referred to in this case as Her Majesty's) Customs Revenue. Please be informed that there is presently a counter claim on your funds by M. Jutin Edward. The aforementioned person has presented a death certificate, claiming that you are dead (This sure made me giggle - I mean, seriously, who finds out they've died this way?). Consequently, he is claiming to be your next-of-kin therefore the beneficiary to your funds (Funds, I have funds? If that's the case, why didn't I know about them when I was still alive to have fun spending them?) Please be informed that Jutin Edwards has provide the account stated hereinafter for the receipt of your funds.

Bank Name: Bank of New York Mellon
AC/NUMBER: 6503809428
Name of Beneficiary: Jutin Edwards
7 High gate Rd, Gansevoort, NY 12831
United States

Having exhausted other means of communication (Wonder if they tried a medium? lol), we have decided to send this message (Ummmmm HULLLLLO, you just told me you have a death certificate for me, why would you waste time emailing me?).

Do we release the funds as Mr. Jutin Edwards instructed? (Do we seriously think a dead person has access to their email account? Oh wait, we've emailed you, so obviously we do think everyone checks their emails, even in the afterlife) As a matter of urgency, you are hereby advise to revert to us within the forty two four hours (Forty two four hours??? WTF? Is that kinda like beer o'clock? ROFLMAO). On your failure (OMG, first they tell me I'm dead and now they're implying I'm a failure), we shall initiate payment.

We await your prompt response (And again I say, HULLLLOOOO you have a copy of my death certificate, don't be holding your breath waiting for my 'prompt response' or you too will be getting emails in your own afterlife!).

Yours Truly,

Gordon White
Her Majesty Customs Revenue

On that happy note, I'm gonna take my zombie body back to the cutting out table! Peace out!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

What a deal......Special quilting service offer!

Dawn Hay, who I had the pleasure of seeing over the weekend (and on Tuesday) has a special offer/deal happening right now for ***Australian residents only*** and that is that she's happy to do an all over stipple/meander on your quilt for an affordable price.

Up to 80" square for a price of $50.00. Yep, you read right, just $50, how cool is that? Takes all the stress out for you if you have any flimsies around the place waiting to be quilted. She does say "If you want a different all over design I am negotiable with the cost."

I've seen her quilting up close and personal, and she does a fantastic job. So if you'd like to take her up on this offer, please click on the photo above for further information and also links to see other quilts that she's quilted.

I'm not sure when this offer is going to be withdrawn, so please don't hesitate to get yours booked in....I'm sure some of you have quilts that you could give as presents this Christmas if you can get them quilted in time.


Thursday, November 10, 2011

November Giveaway by QuiltJane

LinkJane of Want it, Need it, Quilt it fame is having a layer cake giveaway for the above pictured range which isn't due to be released until my birthday month next year (February that is!)....but she's got her hot little hands on some NOW -Yay Jane, and you can have the opportunity, thanks to Jane's generosity to try and win yourself a layer cake....Just one simple, fun question to answer and you'll be in with a chance. Good Luck....ends on November 30th.